i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
