I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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