Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
