I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
