addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He felt like a one man threesome
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
