So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
