I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
