dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
