today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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