Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
