i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
50% drunk capacity currently
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
