Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
