hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
