Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
