i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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