Pants 0. Shit 1.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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