I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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