You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
