you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
