Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
