Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
