hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
