Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
