Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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