just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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