We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
