The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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