after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
