she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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