well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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