JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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