Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
