when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
