She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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