he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
