we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I won't apologize to a one balled man
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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