Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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