yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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