I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
