I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
