3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
