u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
