At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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