you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
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He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
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I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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