What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
