sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
