Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
