I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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