I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
areolas are like halos for boobs.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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