Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
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So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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