Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
