You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
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I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
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I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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