there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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