I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
