I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
