the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
