if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
