No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
