No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
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pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
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Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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