I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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