Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
