the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
