Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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