I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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