you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
where are you?
Hypothermia
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
