i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
