even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
