Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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