whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize