You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize
