Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
