he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
