Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
