I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
