I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
