I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
