If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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