Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
