I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
