We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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