Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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