im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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