how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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