The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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